The Right Way to do a Buddy Check
There is something to say for those who deeply understand camaraderie’s significance and vital role in our lives. Whether you are in the military or a first responder, the bonds we form are unique and often lifesaving. We frequently emphasize the importance of doing “buddy checks,” but what exactly does that mean, and how can we ensure we are effectively supporting each other?
A friend check is a powerful tool. It involves reaching out to your brothers and sisters —your “buddies”—to make sure they are doing well. It is about maintaining a supportive network where everyone feels cared for and valued. This is not just about a quick “How are you?” text; it is an intentional act of checking in, listening, and offering support where no one feels alone.
As individuals who have experienced high-stress environments, we know firsthand how challenging life can be. Whether dealing with the aftermath of a difficult mission, the emotional toll of an emergency call, or simply navigating everyday stressors, having a supportive friend can make all the difference. You have supportive friends, but are you a supportive friend?
Check-ins help you identify early signs of increased emotional and mental distress in those you care about. Having regular contact will help throw red flags that something is not right. They will prosper in fortifying unbreakable bonds and keep the ‘leave no one behind’ mentality in check, whether intentional or not; taking this act seriously could save your friend’s life.
The hidden benefit is recognizing those who have you on their list of conducting friend checks. Maintaining the comradery from your serving days, helping ease the re-integration into civilian life, and boosting your resilience and feelings of support from those around you.
Steps to Conduct a Buddy Check
- Identify a routine for check-ins
Set a consistent time of the week aside to check in with your designated friends. Identify your designated friends and establish an appropriate number of check-ins with them. Need help remembering to check in? Set a reminder on your phone or write it on your fridge or calendar. Once you have made a habit, it will become part of your daily routine.
2. Be true to yourself and others.
Ask genuine questions. The power of words is important. There is a significant difference between “What’s up” and “How’ve you been feeling lately?”
3. Offer quality attention
Be attentive, your friends know the difference between completing the task or sincerity. Being heard is healing it itself. Show empathy without taking on their burden, and never offer judgment. Be ready to provide tangible support. Let them know you are there for whatever they need, whether it is offering resources, lending a listening ear, or simply being present. Feel free to open up about your challenges. Vulnerability can be a bridge to deeper connection and understanding.
- Follow Up
If your buddy shares something concerning, follow up on it. Check-in to see how they’re doing with whatever they discussed with you.
If you want to better prepare yourself for supporting those around you, whether a friend of a Veteran, spouse, or family member, we recommend signing up for a Mental Health First Aid course. Although it can be strenuous, and you must be in a good mental state to complete the course, it has proven highly beneficial: Mental Health First Aid – Mental Health Commission of Canada.
Doing a buddy check is a straightforward yet profoundly impactful way to support our fellow military personnel and first responders. Being proactive, genuine, and consistent can save lives, build resilience, and strengthen our bonds. We have lost too many of our friends due to mental health struggles. Let’s commit to making buddy checks a regular part of our lives. Together, we can ensure that no one walks through their struggles alone.
Stay hopeful, stay connected, and remember: we’ve got each other’s six.
Glen Coyle & Brittney Jones